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Showing posts from 2014

Darkness

My insanity takes over once in a while...
trust me, i find pieces of me when the wind starts to whirl

When it lifts me and tosses me around
When the air starts to choke... and my tears get to the chin

When I feel that I can't take it in anymore

I find me in dark corners of hate
How I still want to plunge a knife into your heart, like you did mine
hold it then slowly push it down... as I stare at your face and smile
How I wish that you could feel that kind of pain that only I know

Or hear the shattering of your heart when it breaks

And no I will not let you close your eyes or attack you from the back... like you did me
I want you to see me! Heartless signing your corpse!
Namatsi was here... she saw and conquered
The sky did fall... look for her and throw her in jail


© Namatsi Lukoye

How much I love you...

 In the dark corners of silence
Strangely I find myself
drowning in an ocean of feelings
The noise and haste of this world can be so frustrating
That's whats why I always run



So if I get lost in the silence, like I usually do
And you find your self missing me, like you usually do
dont come looking for me
for I will be in your heart, like you are in mine
Where I always leave pieces of me 

That's how much I love you,

I swear this on the sun!



© Namatsi Lukoye

The Mind is a con man!

If the sun shines tomorrow like it did today wake my heart with a kiss
If the moon looks for her in the darkness of the night
Hold me like the stars hold stormy winds when we make love
If she hides behind the clouds... remember me still
Remember me...
Remember my scent
how my skin felt
How my locks fell on your chest, when I slept on your chest
Remember my kisses and how my body moved against yours
Remember everything that comes with me.... I told her in a loud silence
Sometimes life is clear sometimes blur.....
Even this poem
and honestly I am not gifted with sight!
"Its all in the mind"... he said
But tell me how I only win battles in my mind never in the field
I guess luck is an enemy!
Oh how I hate vows and promises burn them before you see me
So if my voice is stolen by the witch of the sea, never to be heard again
Look for the truth in my eyes... If they still talk
Before you kiss me with your lies
Let me feel love when our lips touch even if it is only in my mind

The darkness inside

Once in a while I visit the shadows of yesterday!
I walk through forests that scare lions into dens
I know it aint wise, msitu wanisha kweli
Lakini nilijiagiza, I will go on with a hard heart until,
I learn how to become a snake...
or at least learn how to pretend
To hold gently, kiss passionately and push in the venom quietly without being noticed
until I learn how to fuck like the world will end! and kill slowly and gently
or how to burn the body, spirit and soul... with my eyes open

These shadows aint kind to me... but am tough enough to stand the heat
These shadows are like merciless warriors... but honestly death doesn't scare
In my small mass I swing my sword to the darkness life will casts
Its the thought of forgetting and not getting back at you,
that would scatters my dust or ash to spaces I never want to think of!
Like an eagle I am calculating...
Bury my heart in your prayers... nipunguze chuki angalau
For I am already dead!



© Namatsi Lukoye

Since when was love a sin?

Warning:- Long and still rough

Give me some minutes to get this off my chest
Too much bile traveled up all the way to my mouth
So pardon me when I ask
Have you ever wondered what if we had no differences?
No different skin colour, or language
No different God
What if we were all godlike because,
we know that God is love & in his presence there is no room for hate
What if we cared about each other,
a little bit more to catch a brother, before he fired his gun to kill his father
What if we could do, a little bit more to just watch a body lie on the ground,
more than pity… more of help… more of giving…
What if words could fight with bullets…
What if you voices could stand in gaps… make a difference
Like rest fires that not only burn the body but that torments the spirits and souls
Because I tell you, hell is alive and it lives in the eyes of another man
What if your eyes could see that?
What if your voice could stop it
Talk about southern sudan… about the stories of war
Talk abo…

Struggling with Depression

I felt the need to write and share my experiences with this monster called depression, who came with a beautiful face and took over two and a half years of my life. Before you proceed... kindly note that sympathy is not welcomed here, I only need you to understand what depression is through my story.

To date most of the times I don't remember who I used to be before all that or how I would have interacted with people on a social basis. Healing is a process and I am finding pieces of me slowly.

I am a Communication Officer for an organization which works for children with disability! which means that for most part of my day I will be interacting with stigmatized parents, children... suppliers other staff etc and without a proper emotional system.

I don't remember actually how I found myself in house of self hate and destruction, I just did. Writing about it is not any easier than talking about it, though my counseling friend advised me to talk about it until all the pain dis…

Take me to Nirvana!

Carry me on monsoons and hurricanes that beat me and wake me
Carry me past hills to mountains and drop me so I may crush on rocks
Kill me at any chance you got because I don't feel pain no more
I should...
I really should

Stab me from the front when I see you doing it
I promise I will not fight with you... at least I will see your face
Or better yet send bandits in the midst of the night so they can beat me to death
Kill me at any chance you got because I don't feel pain no more
I should
I really should

One thing I ask you... don't lie about anything
Be yourself don't even pretend to like me
Tell me those things you say about me and don't feel guilty
I can never fight back... never have never will
Kill me at any chance you got because I don't feel pain no more


© Namatsi Lukoye

Forbidden Fruit!

She lives in a lie... in my world
I only float in some wilderness in her eyes
My only hope is that her eyes can see the truth my soul
She would know that I should break no more
I am not after lust... she should know that
I am grown I am looking for things that make one strong…
how I feel when in her arms
But things like this should never be said... where I come from
Its a sin that preacher said as he buried me in prayer
But since when was love a sin

She is perfect in every way... curve to curve, bone to skin
Yet I am scared of everything about her
even feelings that consume me...
Are they little forces planted by the devil himself?
I wonder where the gods were hiding... when she walked my way
I just wonder whether I am being tempted? Or can I really find love in another woman
My society wouldn’t like a poem like this… that’s why poetry is my deepest friend
I still go to church… bend my knees, and cry not to feel like this
I ask forgiveness for feeling this way
But at the end of the…

Saturday

honoured to be performing this poem at a friends wedding this coming Saturday... am so happy for them

He was born in mars
She was born in Venus
But the pull of the earths gravity made their spirits one
Like the power of the sun , I felt their passions burn
And watched their love glow and grow
Glow and grow

He was her charmer
She was the beauty of a rose
He held her heart… yet she was his strength
Painter of her world! Venus is such a mosaic they always say…
And mars… well mars can be something else
But in this race of life… I would rather be running with you
Their eyes would say… even when the storm was caving in

And when their hands touched they said
Royalty, put on your crown and take your place
Love me more… and more… and more
Love me when I am young, when my skin is smooth and my hair is makes heads turn
Love me when I age too… in my wrinkles and when I try to hide those grey hairs… Love me still
Rhythm divine calm me from the dangers of the world… with a kiss a hug…
Strangle me…

This Phone business

Ever wondered why small children play with their parents phones as toys
A game is just a key away, a world away
Running away from this world in a couple of years the parent will say
'I don't know how to get through to him/her!'

We are getting smartphones because our brains are sleeping...
Our friends live on whatsup, twitter, facebook, and that's where we wanna be
Those that make the effort to be there... we are too busy to notice as we chat away
And most of the time... too busy sexting another man's woman or vice versa
Staring at pictures, looking for likes and followers as if they will weep on our graves!

Make time for your friends.... call them up!
Don't let your friendship get lost in a machine!
Oh and when you are with them.... enjoy every moment of the laughter and tears
And when you get the urge to look at the phone... its time to go :) hehe Namatsi


© Namatsi Lukoye

Bury My heart inside a prayer (struggling with depression)

I died last night... I watched my soul walk out and leave
my heart stopped... beating
my body stopped breathing...
because I stopped loving... me...
I died last night my body gave up the fight...
but I didn't curse the sky when it stared back
I actually smiled and laughed out loud
I died alone amidst joys and celebration
with nothing but so much self hate inside me...
So bury my heart in the warmth of your palms
When they meet... as you whisper a prayer
Bury me inside your words... floating to the sky
before my words spark the flames of hell
for the pain that I feel
Like bullet holes or acids burns from a once time lover
The pain of hating myself like I do!
the pain of fighting with myself
wondering how to stand again…
how to be free of anger and how to live again
Damn I owe myself an apology
I am not as strong as I look... don't be fooled by the smile
I am barely as wise than you think... even when I read
My mistakes have proved that

Nauje kufahamu kwamba hamna kitu kig…

Uchawi huu Sio

Huyu mwanaume nikama alinishikia uchawi flani
Moyo wangu umekuwa mwepesi... una kidonda nashindwa kuponya

Vitisho vya usiku sijui dawa hii ya kunishika aliimwaga wapi
Mapenzi nakwara, kila mtu naona kavaa sura yake

Roho yangu yalowa kule makaburini
Yeye huku alala kama mfalme naskia avuruga tu ma Jameson

Hata nikilala na Bibilia kitandani
Milihoi wake washuka chini
Moyo waeza kuwa mjinga vipi
Hii ni uchawi nalia jamani
Pepo zake zanifukuza duniani



Translation

This man, its like he has done some witchcraft on me
My heart is troubled... a wound i can never heal

I sleep in fear, I wonder where he hid his voodoo stuff
I cannot love anymore... I see him in everyone

My soul lays wet in the cemetery
Yet he sleeps like a king sipping some Jameson

Even when I sleep with the Bible on the bed
His ghosts surround me
Can the heart be this stupid
I am sure this is witchcraft
Its like his demon's want me out of this world






© Namatsi Lukoye

Getting Naked

In the world of poetry... dreams light the way
Yet these dreams come slow and no one understands how,
Anyone can hold on to a dream so tight in wilderness of lack
All I want is to be heard, to get rich at it
I wonder how since the world hates knowing the truth

In the world of poetry... having nothing but passion is normal
Going crazy writing, reciting and wanting to talk about words is fulfilling
When you are hungry, the joy of your art fills you up
When you cry... the world smiles
When you smile... the world reads the next
So I am an addict of this world... the less I get, the more I learn
I have given so much to the extent I don't know what to give anymore
This junkie has no cash to buy this drug... I will be on the streets!

In the world of poetry... friends are few, acquaintances overflow
This world is full of critics, judges, haters and fans you never see
It is full of competition for no price at all
The world of poetry is lonely, people see pictures and think they know th…

If I die today

When weird words come to you and you can only pray that it doesn't happen soon!!!

If I die today, shed no tear in grief
But find strength in the words of my poems
There,
There I will be waiting for you

If I die today, shed no tear in grief
But smile that the world gave me a chance to share memories with you
And I will miss your hugs, but find me in the warmth of your heart
There,
There I will be waiting for you

If I die today, Let me go to the forces that call on me
Wherever my body may go to rest, my spirit remains with you
Remember never to forget that I loved you with the power of the sun
And even death as scary as she sounds cannot stop this love

If I die today, I will be your rainbow
Flashing in the sky once in a while
And for those days that you will miss me terrible
Find me in the words of my poems
There,
There my love, I will always live
In the warmth of your heart
I promise you I will be


© Namatsi Lukoye

Nitabaki na Nini?? -- Politicians taking are taiking it all -- nimulize nani?

Each time we point fingers at our politicians... three point at us
There is no place in this earth that this game is played differently
politicians were created to lie like we were created to die
Kweli kinacho tupeleka mitaani kutupa mawe nini kama si ujinga
Na huyo ni jirani yangu mtu mzima wa heshima zake...
Ana bibi ninayemheshimu na mtoto mdogo mrembo
Simwelewi mwanaume huyu!

Jinsi siasi zinamuuma simwelewi kamwe
Hana uhusiano na hawa simba lakini anzi atamangazi mwingine
Kama Mandela nashangangaa mbona katumia kifua badala ya ubongo
kama amani ni maua basi tujiulize haya maswali
We put them in power... what the hell are we crying about?
If you cast your vote shut up and learn... do it differently next time
If you did not... shut up and follow... do it differently next time
If we are the problem, who do we expect to be the answer?

Sasa huyu kaka kawa mmoja wa wale
who have made us embarrassed of our tribe, our culture our pride
Erase all that made us proud and make us one tribe…

Saba Saba and our media

I was asked by a friend… what do you think about the saba saba
And what do you think about the deaths speculated by the prophet
I wanted to shout loud that I really didn’t care to watch a show of politicians and idlers
People from opposite sides of the economic world brought together by politricks
I didn’t say a thing though… because I wanted to say it right… so here is my answer
I think that the only reason people care is because the media has shown them its importance
The same media that is supposed to be the watchdog of the society
Is the same media causing tensions and preparing you for a war that hasn’t yet happened
The same media that is not trying to stop any war… or bloodshed
Looking keenly for hate speech… and total disaster
Can’t you see? If it doesn’t bleed there is no news
And if it scares and shakes well… bravo! They got the scoop
If not, you should be prepared to pay them well to be on TV
This same media takes sides… and secretly asks you whose side you are fighting f…

Panties drop!

Love makes the world spin...
but lust is the crazy part of this pen that makes it tick
And this crazy energy between the two of us frightens me
Chemistry so strong we got all equations balancing
Crazy physics how I am drawn to you... is there sideways gravity?
And I would fall into you even if it is for minutes
The kind of things you are planting in mind! am embarrassed to say
But I will try...

I dream of your skin against mine...
Drip at the thought of your warmth, your breath
That face that is blurred to the world...
How you hold me flimsy... like I would break if I drop
And I know you don't want to stop...
You got that touch confusing... exploring
so I let you mine some gold in the wells on my secrets... (tell me who is the gold-digger now)

Not scared but ever bold and hard just like Rihanna
Dance with me like we did at Harvana
As the music fells on our ears like manna
Fading into the sound of our beating hearts
Sound of us breathing... harmonies of our moans
Rock with me …

For Craving Mothers

Let me start by saying that if there is a God, then He must be cruel
These storms are too strong! slapping each way you answer me these questions
How he gives others children they kill
How he gives others children they dump in toilets
How he gives others children they don't want
What game could he be playing?
I guess all He wants is to punish us at the end of the day

Every month she bleeds... she weeps
It tears her down to see the pregnancy strip with just one line
Tired of wanting to be a mother... it stings her not to have one
Prayers don't work.... or maybe she just aint doing it right
Kind of believes that only one will save her from the loneliness of the world
And all her friends have one or two...
Show her pictures
Ask her for names
Tell her tales of motherhood
Silence is her conversations... at the end of the day she cries

She has been to doctors tried everything even the traditional medicines
She has been prayed for, curses broken she believes
She longs for it... that…

I love you like....

I must have written this poem a long time ago... found it in my archives

Since I took my first puff
No lie but, got hooked to your stuff
You heal me it is true this aint a bluff
Like some exotic therapy
You make me happy
Your love does something really great to me
It sends a warm but yet chilly spell right through my spine

I love you dangerously
Seriously
I love you like; I love the dislocation of truth
I love you with all the light and darkness of the earth
I love you like a bagger loves honey
I love you like a gold-digger loves money, like money loves Bill Gates pockets
I love you like women love bad weaves, like men love peeing in the streets
I love you like… those dreams… those wet dreams; those I wanna be superstar daydreams
If loving you was work, damn I would be the employee of the month

Oh I love you dangerously
Seriously
I love you like Paris loved Juliet, like Juliet loved Romeo
And am in love with this kind of doomed true love
I love you like Samson loved Delilah, like Del…

PoliTricks!!!

I am so excited to share a part of this poem that is so close to my heart:- The political state of most African countries

Sisi wote tutamuinua tu yule wetu ilipia nasi tule... natunaimba yule ni kupe
Na wetu ni wetu kwa lugha si kwa wekundu wa damu
Wetu ni wetu kwa chaguo wa mola wake ni kama tulirogwa mahali
'Shika mkuki, beba panga mwambie jirani arudi kwao'... alafu twajidai twa jali tukiona picha katika runinga
Kioo cha jamii ni msanii wacha awafunge macho... kwa mziki na maneno ya ujinga ya kuwapumbaza
Sikio la kufa halisikii dawa
Milihoi wanaishi katikati yetu

Translation

We all will uplift our own so that we can also eat, and we call some ticks
And to us he who is ours is ours if we speak the same tribe not if his blood is red
Hold an arrow, carry a stone tell your neighbour to go back to where he came from'... then we pretend to be empathetic when we see the sad pictures on the televisions
The mirror of the crowd is the artist let him blind them
In songs and issues…

Airing my Dirty Laundry!

The world is made of different types of flowers
Those that protect themselves in thorns and poisons
Those that hide when in danger… curl up we called them touch me not
Those that have no clue how to fight… I call them Me!
When I was younger I think I understood life…
Never stay with a man who hit you… because if he hit you once he is gonna do it again
And again and again and again until he wept on your grave apologizing
It never occurred to me that one day I would be this flower with no clue of how to stop it
How could I forget all that I learn as I grew up…
When I was eight, one day as I was playing with my dolls
I saw a man hold a whip… his wife running around the house screaming
Stop! Stop! Please… I am sorry… it will not happen again…
Terrified I ran home to my mother… I remember how fast my heart beat
How my hairs stood on an edge… I remember telling myself that it would never happen to me
Young children talk, I waited for my father to come home…
He said, “only cowards beat women…

Do you feel me?

Scratch the surface... see what I feel
See all the darkness... feel the heat
Move within, step on glasses before you try hate
I heard everyone has a story even the idiots running their mouth...
I am stripping
I am getting ready to show the world who I am
Scratch the surface... see me
Feel me
Do you feel me?


© Namatsi Lukoye

Tuseme ya Moyo! - Let us speak of the heart

Nimeishi kwa uoga wa kugonga ardhi
Jinsi penzi liligeuka bado nimepigwa na butwaa
Ni ujinga sio!!! Kweli, kuna watu wa kupendeka ama ni ujinga tu?
Moyo wangu wateseka kwa lako kosa
Sitadanganya... ulini ulinichapa kiboko... uchungu mgumu kusahau
najiogopea kama wote ni kama wewe...
Nilikupenda hata zaidi yangu... sitosahau kamwe
Naomba tu Jalali... nami anipeuwezo wa kujipata tena...
Na kama machozi ndio ulitaka kuona
Nami ziwa nimekutengenezea nyumbani...
Nakuomba tu... wacha kunichokoza kwa kunitembelea
Nameza jiwe kila ninapo kuona... nakupenda bado nadhani
lakini kwako siwezi rudi walai....
Mungu awe nawe...
Na ikaja kuwa wanikosa... usinitafute nilipo...
nipate mwako moyoni tu, niliwacha vijisemu vyangu #Namatsi
kweli mambo ya moyo ni mengine...


Translation



I have lived in fear of crushing on the ground
The way loved turned... I still cannot believe
Sounds stupid!!! Are there really people who can be loved or love is stupid?
My heart lies in tears for your mistakes
I will not li…

With words by Luki Wilson

With words
I bring destruction to peace and fiction to this, reality
Opposition to authority
Inflations to economies and make men honour me

With words
I change philosophies and create ideologies
Make wise men acknowledge me, invent opportunities
And perceive all that you see

With words
I make acts to challenge facts and spark fires
And create liars and truth in men,
I lower higher and bring further nearer to them

With words
I pleasure pain and clean stains
I flatten plains and pray for rain
I change the same
Undrain the drained
I play this game

With words
I deceive the mind and change the tides
I unsee the blind and remould the grind
I untie the bind and pride I kind
I loose the find

With words
I unsink the drowned
Dethrone the crown
I, up the down and turn it down
I later the now and invert the frown and amaze the…….

With words
I rule the earth
Unconceive the birth and devalue the worth
I rich the poor and ancient the newer, while increasing the fewer
I unheal the cure

With words

Of love!!!

The last tear just fell
had to ask myself why it dared after such a fight
It kinda wondered why I tried stop it...
Life is hard... even harder when you live it
When you feel things... life is hard
When you care... it is cruel
This has to be the last time a heart cries
The brain requested...
You see the point of living lies not in hiding!
It lies in finding yourself in the dust...
Love is always bitter sweet
Learn it, and when it stops
Find the strength to move on
It will not be easy... but you will find that it is worth it

© Namatsi Lukoye

I am not yours to FIX

There is nothing as terrible as living in a circle,
when all you want is a dark corner that you can comfortably hide and cry in
How do you live as an open book when every reader is a critic
Watching your every step and even when they don't say it
You feel it.... the judgement in the eyes as they scroll one word to the next

(a feel of what's coming in :- All that I am - Namatsi)

I am trapped in this circle;
What i really want well the heavens lied about it
So I am lost somewhere in paradise... confused
It is not as it was told...
The rivers are not clear... pure blood
The gates are not golden... iced tears
There is no music... Choir master rebelled!
And I miss everything,
Everything I once hated
Everything that I once believed in...
Even the silence between us
I miss the stench of our rotting corpses...
Even the worms crawling on top of us... I miss it all

I wish I should have listened to the voice inside... I am not yours to fix
I am not a mix that you need to solve with …

Stories from Berlin - 2014

The air is filled with joy... i don't know why!
i can feel music in the passing winds...
love in the greeting smiles...
I want to capture this moment - freeze and frame me in it
and i want to move to this beat forever and ever and ever and ever...
All my tears dried and i cant believe they ever fell from my face
I traveled to lands that my mother dreamt of...
Felt biting cold, warm hugs and a soft kiss at a train station
I fell weak into my best friends arms and told her my worries in a poem on a stage in-front of an audience




I smoked the holy plant of another land... I don't want to talk about this:- one day my daughter might read this
I cursed on national television - am not proud of it
I was expressing myself and sometimes art can never be caged
I fell in-love with a girl --- like me and she lived inside me
I opened up to a stranger! Who must have thought that I was crazy
When I told him that my dream is to swim naked in the Indian ocean... and no I was not flirting i w…

Berlin tour:- April 5th to 13th

They say a picture is worth a thousand words:- Berlin was beautiful... so much to see, so much to find... so much to discover!