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Sorrow deep to the bone

I do not know which is more painful
To love and to lose
To love and not be loved back
Or not be a man anymore
He said

Silenced by his tone and the weight of his words I gave him my ear

I am one among few who dare tell such a story
One of many who face blows day in day out
Blows on my head, blows on back, kicks on my legs
You will not believe but she even held a knife
Right to my balls!
Screaming and asking, Who is the man?... Who is the man?
She lifted me up and threw me on the ground, outside
For all to see this disgusting fight


She laughed … celebrating her victory
Amongst cheers from the female neighbors
Men around embarrassed on my behalf
Clicking and disgusted, shaking their heads in disbelief
And they asked

Huyu ni mwanaume kweli?
They asked if I was a man!

They say that love is blind… all this while I was blinded
I don’t know why I stayed!
Don’t ask me why I stayed…
I accepted each apology, if she apologized
Cover up the bruises, until she took the fight outside!
I did not mind, I unpacked and stayed, until she took the fight outside!
Lied to all, until she took the fight outside!
Ignored all, until she took the fight outside!

I was chained connected in some vodooliscious way ,
Until I realized that, no way her heart was mine

Men should not cry like this… I know
But since she had taken that title
I had a hard time explaining that to my stupid brain, weeping heart, dying spirit and burnt soul

I loved her still, until I realized that
Being a man no more, is sorrow deep to the bone

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