Skip to main content

Sorrow deep to the bone

I do not know which is more painful
To love and to lose
To love and not be loved back
Or not be a man anymore
He said

Silenced by his tone and the weight of his words I gave him my ear

I am one among few who dare tell such a story
One of many who face blows day in day out
Blows on my head, blows on back, kicks on my legs
You will not believe but she even held a knife
Right to my balls!
Screaming and asking, Who is the man?... Who is the man?
She lifted me up and threw me on the ground, outside
For all to see this disgusting fight


She laughed … celebrating her victory
Amongst cheers from the female neighbors
Men around embarrassed on my behalf
Clicking and disgusted, shaking their heads in disbelief
And they asked

Huyu ni mwanaume kweli?
They asked if I was a man!

They say that love is blind… all this while I was blinded
I don’t know why I stayed!
Don’t ask me why I stayed…
I accepted each apology, if she apologized
Cover up the bruises, until she took the fight outside!
I did not mind, I unpacked and stayed, until she took the fight outside!
Lied to all, until she took the fight outside!
Ignored all, until she took the fight outside!

I was chained connected in some vodooliscious way ,
Until I realized that, no way her heart was mine

Men should not cry like this… I know
But since she had taken that title
I had a hard time explaining that to my stupid brain, weeping heart, dying spirit and burnt soul

I loved her still, until I realized that
Being a man no more, is sorrow deep to the bone

Popular posts from this blog

The loyalty Pledge (Kenya)

I pledge my loyalty to the President
and Nation of Kenya
My readiness and duty
to defend the flag of our Republic
My life, strength and service
in the task of nation building
In the living spirit embodied
in our National motto 'Harambee'

and perpetuated in the
Nyayo philosophy
of Peace, Love and Unity.

Thinking Moi’s dictatorship!
As children we had to make the pledge!
In our rags!
With no shoes on!
Bribed with milk (maziwa ya nyayo for staying so loyal)
We recited the words out loud
Religiously we recited at the school assembly
Attention we stood when recited or else we would face the wrath of the cane!

© Namatsi Lukoye


Moments... This is what the universe has decided to fill up my life with... Moments of what I could call love - and immense moments of pain -  as if to love the way I do is  a sin Now now Namatsi, please let go - the winds whisper as if they understand me Moments...
Pain... Trust me, this is a poem has escaped its prison It has broken chains, to see the light I never promised it I think my fingers have very big gaps -  when I think am holding so tight - it gets slippery and my stupid heart never reads the signs.... Dear Soul.... please let me not hold anything back when we talk about it Pain...
Dreams... Tell me - how do you love someone who is not kind to the soul? Why this person? what did they do to make you decide to hurt me like so? I wish I was casual with love as everyone else is. I have fought nations to hold you in my arms - all you did was smile and stab my back Tell me - why did you ever come back? My dear lovely heart - Break them all - leave nothing standing Dreams...

Angels Landing - for broken hearts

Poems like these come to me when I think about you Your eyes – they come when they meet mine Your lips – I feel  them when they curve in a smile  – for when they meet mine – I swear I travel to another planet - I don't know how to lie - trust this poem
Poems like are real – they are honest about the countless times you float my mind,  so I capture moments and freeze them in words - its just a gift you are the inspiration
As passionate as my poetry is – Poems like these hope that you have fire strong enough to hold them inside
Poems like these have been used They have had fights with false gods and demons too How you go read all I write for you and still treat them like its nothing! Don't you know that poems like these are fishhooked from the depths of my soul! Poems like these still come to me - they are nothing but angels landing

© Namatsi Lukoye